A Dawn a New Day

I haven't posted here with good reason.  I didn't want to share anything just yet.  My life has totally changed in just a few months and will be changing forever and keep re-evolving in the future.

On October 4th I found out I was just over 6 weeks pregnant.  Hence the new blog 'bump bump bump'. I'm now in my second trimester and just a little over 3 1/2 months pregnant.  Really crazy huh?!

Back in August I planned a cruise for November and I went to visit lovely Mexico.  Acapulco, Ixtapa and Manzanillo.

It was the best timing in the world as I really needed it to get a different perspective on what is becoming of my life.


You think our wait time is bad

People complain they've been holding




Typically about 1-15 minutes from what I've seen.  Yes that is a wait.  But let me tell you this.

Call the DMV.  Call them.  Wait for 17 minutes to speak to a representative then ask to be connected with someone to pay your car registration and hold for an additional 33 minutes and then hang up frustrated becuase you just wasted precious moments of your life that you could've saved your ear from growing a califlower on it.

Actually hold time has now exceeded 50 minutes.


and this was before 11 am today.  In-Sane!


Feeling under the weather

My stomach has been bothering me for a few days.  I keep trying to sneak in Gluten and I just am not fooling my body.

Or who knows what it is but the past couple of days have my stomach a'hurtin.  I think it started Sunday evening when I went with my Aunt and Cousin to Jack in the box.  I had some Churro's.  They are good but I've layed off greasy foods and anytime I do that and try to eat fast food, I get sick.

So today, it was bothering and I had to come into work although I very much feel like how this little child looks here:
But I knew phones would be busy so I sucked it up and came to work.

I felt okay and went to have Thai food with my friends but only had a few bites.  I gave the rest to my mom. 

I planned on working out with my cousin today, but the battle with my stomach....it's winning.


Whoop-ee-ti-yi-o get along little doggies

'Frida Be A Chola'
Organic dog food is free of artificial colors and flavor enhancers, chemical additives and toxic pesticides.  It has quality protein and grain sources of exceptional nutritional value. This supports your dog’s immune system to help build resistance to skin infections.  Organic food doesn’t contain bulk-fillers, so your dog consumes only what it needs to maintain healthy energy levels and life functions

Although my lil' homegirl doesn't seem to have any problems or infections, I'd rather get a head start to prevent than to see her suffer and be uncomfortable and then have to try to treat it and wait for it to heal...yadda...yadda...yoda.

As with anything of good/great quality. It's not cheap.  I mean, I could walk into Wal-Mart, Target or Grocery Outlet and get a 5lb bag for $5.00 (est), but at what cost is it really going to be in the long run?  By buying a quality product, my lil' homegirl will have reduced health problems (currently and thankfully she has none right now) and her life will be healthy, happy and it will be worth that extra money.

The first time I took my lil' homegirl, I seen a magazine that I swear I wanted to walk out with.  But that wouldn't be cool of me.  So I came home googled it and ordered a free issue, they have so many good articles and cute pictures.  It's called: The Bark and I LOVE IT. 
They have recipe's too: http://www.thebark.com/search/node/%22Wellness%3A%20Recipes%22

I don't like to give her 'human food' but now that i'm thinking about it more, i think it's okay if it's certain healthy food and in moderation.  For instance, she loves Quinoa.  Yes Quinoa.  The grain of the Inca's.  I mix a little bit with her dry kibble and i happened to be boiling a chicken (pieces to make a basic broth to freeze and store for use later on) and I added 1/4 cup of the broth and some Extra Virgin Olive Oil.  Weird right? Well she likes it and I swear I seen in some magazine that a little EVOO will help keep their coats shiny.  I sometimes bake my Turkey Bacon and I make a piece for her and bake it just a little longer like jerky and give it to her.  No fillers, no nitrates, no extra junk for her.  I mean look at her.  She's too cute to be eating fillers, roadkill and pesticides!

I googled 'Best Organic Dog Food' and via ezinearticles.com (as of 9/4/10) it listed three.
  1. Karma Organic Dry Dog Food - The best, ultra premium organic dog food is Karma Organic Dry Dog Food, as they use over 95% organic ingredients in their dry dog kibble.  it is the best choice if you want to eliminate chemicals, artificial preservatives, unnecessary additives, meat that is not fit for consumption, unhealthy fillers and in some cheap brands - road kill. (eww gross!) Karma Organic Dry Dog Food is the only dog food manufacturing company that can boast the over 95% organic ingredients. It also contains 18 certified organic ingredients and is made with organic whole fruits and vegetables - not dried. And just to add the perfect touch to their all natural organic environmentally friendly philosophy, they use packaging made with 100% recyclable material. Changing your dog from the cheap grocery store brand to this highly organic dog food can be nothing but good, and will eliminate many of the health problems, allergies and illnesses caused by the food containing fillers, pesticides, herbicides, synthetic fertilizers, sewage sludge, GMO grains and all the nasty artificial preservatives and additives. (If you ever read my thyroid blog, you know I'm all about eliminating preservatives, additives, GMO etc.) 
  2. Newman's Own Organics Pet Food - This pet food has more than 70% of all ingredients being organic. They use human grade all natural chicken and organic brown rice, and it is supplemented with high levels of antioxidants, Ester-C and probiotics. Newman's Own Organics Pet Foods do not use herbicides, pesticides or artificial fertilizers and is not irradiated, and do not contain chemical additives or preservatives. The ingredients are handled according to strict organic standards.  The 30% of ingredients that are non organic are still high grade ingredients that are completely safe, nutritious, all natural, and free of unnecessary fillers or harmful additives.
  3. Natural Planet Organics Dry Dog Food - Natural Planet Organics does not list the percentage of organic to non organic ingredients, but its main ingredients are organic, and the rest are all natural. Natural Planet Organics is certified organic dog food and classified by the company as Ultra Premium. Organic free range chicken is the first ingredient listed.  They also use organic grains, organic vegetables and organic fruits.  Additionally natural antioxidants are added, along with pre and probiotics, and an excellent combination of important supplemental vitamins and minerals for optimum health. Also glucosamine and chondroitin and high levels of Omega-3 and Omega-6 fatty acids and taurine, which are essential, are also included.  You will find there are no harmful preservatives, added chemicals or fillers, that are invariably found listed as ingredients of lesser quality brand kibble. The ingredients consist of a list that includes foods that we recognize and eat,and not a long list of chemicals. I always believe if I can't pronounce it, I wouldn't want to eat it. This also goes for my pets, and this organic food meets "my rule."
Other links for recipes/other things you should look at if you are a pet owner:


Well, I'm going to go and make my lil' homegirl some homemade Doggie Biscuits.

My version:
2 C Flour (I used 1 1/2 Cups Flour and 1/2 C Brown Rice Protein Flour)
1TBSP Parsley Flakes
1 Cup Cornmeal
1/3 EVOO
1 Egg
1 Cup Fresh Chicken Broth

Another one i'm working on is 'it's still good' biscuits.
Now, ive never made biscuits for humans or dogs!  But we have some uncooked beef, chicken (from the broth i made today), celery, sweet potatoes (frozen, but haven't used them much) and I tossed it all in a pot to cook down. Once most of the moisture has gone, i'll put in my food processor and roughly chop, then i'll add some Quinoa and make into little logs and bake for a long LONG time on a low-medium temperature in the oven.  Enough to slow bake it but not enough to over cook them.  This is a work in progress.  Oh and I added some worchestireshire sauce for the aroma. lol


I want to be your silver lining

I ate a Dove Chocolate today.  Inside the words said:

"Be the silver lining in another's cloud"

It's cute and it's true.

I want to be the silver lining in your cloud. 
Will you be the one in mine?


Song Dedication to my lil' dumplings

I dedicate this song to my lil' dumplings (Bananah Cakes, My Sugar Kissing Pinky Pie and Sweet Baby Boy)...well minus the 'bride' part....but we can still dosey-do. =)

Lyrics are after the video.

Juno: "All I Want is You" from Jim Liu on Vimeo.

All I Want Is You
by Barry Louis Polisar

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, when the cold winds blow.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.


**UPDATE** MISSING DOG (Siberian Husky in San Jose, CA) =(

We got a call Wednesday evening that Junior was found.  Unfortunately he was hit by a car (that took off...a$$hole) and a police officer responded to the scene, seen him alive still and took him straight to the vet (thank you mister officer....it was very kind of him and he didn't have to do that, we're trying to track him down to thank him).

When I got there (I was crying on my way, out of happiness and worry) and he looked at me and just layed his head down.  Not normal.  This lil' spunky pup, always, ALWAYS jumps up to greet me.  =(  Poor baby.

He had 3 fractured ribs, collapsed lung, internal bleeding, part of his right hind paw, is missing one of the tip of his nails...ugh i can't even type the rest....but $817.00+ later....he's home now because unfortunately we couldn't afford the 24hr care at the vet ($1,000.00+) so we had to take our chances and bring him home.  He's taking his meds now and wearing a doggie diaper =( but he is in better spirits.  We are hoping the puncture to his lung heals correctly and that he makes it the next few weeks.  Which are crucial. 

What pisses me the fk off was, the vet policy.  Pay now or put him to sleep.  We didn't get paid until the next day and i understand they may have their reasons for not trying to get stiffed.  Which we wouldn't have done, but they took 4+hrs before giving him any treatment (other than I think an IV).  Even more upsetting was they (well the dr) seemed to not be so sympathetic.  She was so non-chalant about it.  This is our family dog.  This is my lil' brother (15) first dog, how you just say, 'well, if you don't have the money, you should put him to sleep'.  If she had some type of softness to her words or a concerend look then i understand, but we were crying there and she's on the phone with her back to us talking about some other dog like she was a fken bill collector. 

Anyways, were glad he's okay but geez.....it sucked.

Well, we have a major case of the SADS today.  My brother's dog is missing. 

He's a beautiful 6-7mth old Male Siberian Husky/German Shepard Mix with Green Eyes.  He and my brother are so attached he cries for him when he's at school and jumps up to greet him everyday. He also was a very cool big cousin to my little dog 'Frida' and my sister's dog 'Hazel'. 

We tell our mom our puppies our her 'grand-doggies'....so my lil' dog-nephew is missing. =(

He is absolutely GORGEOUS, and because of that we highly doubt we will see him. But if you are reading this and live in San Jose, please keep a look out for him and contact me asap at: shashas24@yahoo.com

There is a reward.  I've made a flyer also, we've posted his pic on craiglist http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sby/pet/1916698299.html and posted a listing to our local Animal Shelter.

This is my bro's first dog and I miss him already. I pray to God that he's returned safely.

Here is the info from the flyer:


New Word: Workache

Exactly.  This is what my head feels like.  Just minus the crazy eyes. Okay maybe the crazy eyes just a bit. =)

I had 2 glasses of wine last night.  Probably shouldn't have because I barely ate yesterday and this morning.....aye yi yi!

I was thinking of getting a coffee this morning but I don't think that would be wise today.  And my reports will not refresh. GRRRR this puts a damper on having work assigned.


I bit the bullet

So earlier I talked about this overlooming fear going on mentally, in and out of my subconciousness.  So I decided to bite the bullet.

I took action and I do feel so much better but it's going to be quite a long process but at least it will all be taken care of. 

It feels like a tight corset has just been snapped off! 'Relief!"


Lately I have been having this overwhelming feeling of fear or anxiety.  My dreams lately have also been a target.  They have been dark and kind of scary.  Last night, I dreamt my car was stolen, and I was crying and scared and didn't know what to do.  I don't think it was so much as the car was stolen, but something else is going on and it's being re-interpreted into other material things in my dreams.

I know what it is but I just don't know how to deal with it.  Ugh, I just posted that I wasn't going to let fear rob me of precious moments but this is a precious moment really.  This is a something that has been going on for sometime and I choose to ignore it thinking (lamely I might add) it will just dissapear.  But it's now looming over me.  Much like this picture:

It's truly like the storm on top of the tree and I know if I don't hit it head on, it will only grow bigger until it's truly lost all control.

I pay close attention to my dreams.  I think at times it's my soul speaking to me but sometimes I don't listen.  I use to have these crazy water dreams.  I'd be on the beach and I'd look out to the sea and i would sense the changes in the water.  In the far distance I would see it something like this:

I would always be alone on the beach.  The waves would be gathering up in speed, height and force until the wave(s) were so huge
when I would look up I would see it towering hundreds of feet above me.  Imagine if you will, I am at the bottom of the picture barely a dot like the surfers below in the picture.
Imagine that!  I don't remember what exactly was going on in that point of my life, but it was something and the water always represented it.

Somehow though, I was never taken away in it, I wasn't swept away. 

Another water dream, I seen it and there were these stairs that were so high, I thought the water wouldn't come near.  I ran up them until I reached the top and the water (under normal conditions) would never reach, but the wave came.  It reached me and as I had my back against the wall, I pressed my body against it, arms on each side of me, palms down against the cool rock and I turned my face to the left and my face contorted as I prepared for it's wrath.  As I felt it coming towards me, I only felt the cool mist spray of the sea water.  The water hit the wall but for some reason it didn't touch me, it was all around me like a invisible box was protecting me.  After I felt the wave go away, I looked down and water was on the floor and I could see it all wet.  I noticed a screen/glass door and people were inside having some party of some sort, so I ran inside and locked the door so the water wouldn't come in.

The other water dreams were super crazy too.  One involved 3 sharks with a poster (weird I know) but what was weirder was the fact that when I was swimming through it, I felt it was 3 of them and I tried my best to swim hard and fast so they wouldn't bite my feet.  But that's another dream.

 I hope my dreams from now on are peaceful and happy.  There is enough chaos in life when I'm awake. =)

So, happy dreams to you!

Quotes by Katherine Fugate

I came across these from Katherine Fugate's blog today.

"the remedy for dirt is soap & water.
the remedy for dying is living."
- Katherine Fugate

"Dreams are powerful things. If we dream when we are awake, we can become astronauts and walk on the moon. If we dream when we’re asleep, we can walk on stars. There is a theory that all the people in a dream are really you: the hero you, the villain you, the healing you, the broken you. And all the yous have a common goal: to help you love yourself a little bit better." – Katherine Fugate
"Words have such power. They can lift us up or they can tear us down. They can heal or they can destroy. But at the end of our lives, it’s the words left unsaid that haunt us. When you lose someone so suddenly, all you think about is all the words you didn’t say." – Katherine Fugate

Dreaming of you

Ive thought on a few occasions to write a 'love letter' to you. But the words just didn't seem to capture what I wanted you to feel. It's sort of an in-between. I know how I feel and what I want. My 'in-between' depends on: what do you feel....what do you really want? I have wrote you something, question is have you read it?

I have always said to myself: "Self, if you are ever in a relationship where you no longer have love for someone, then just be honest, tell them and go from there. Either it can be worked through (which I prefer if it's just simple things) or it can't and just take from this the lessons that you can later apply in life or talk about in a postive way of lessons learned to share." I also tell the other person in the relationship if they feel that things are not working out, talk to me. Tell me. If love has been gone and can't simply cannot be worked on (quitter) then go. Don't go on about life and lie to me and end up on cheating because 'you don't want to hurt my feelings'. Psh. That's the worst. Okay back to what I was intending to say. Dreaming.

I dreamt of you. You've been entering my dreams. To enter my dreams means a lot. That's when you've broken past my wall, fence and you my friend have gone deep.

I can pretend to hold back the feelings in my heart but the mind. The mind is the great and powerful oz...oops....i mean the mind is great and powerful. Yourself is the only one that can control it or let it be taken control of. You sneaky tresspasser!

You found one of the keys. hmmm...well I can't do anything about that now.

But you have entered my dreams. Reminds me of a poem I have.  'Walk with me through the halls of immaculate dreams'.

What did I dream of.  The other night, the setting was the apartment complex where I grew up in and my room was the middle room.  We were laying in my bed and hugging.....that's all I can say for now. 

So I hope that I too am in your dreams.  Even if just to say hello.

"One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. Passers-by see only a wisp of smoke from the chimney and continue on their way.” -Van Gogh

To Love or To Be Vunerable?

"I feel like every time I love someone I give them a part of myself and when things end, I hobble around for a while, missing limbs or an eye, a victim in the the long war we call love."
 -Anais Escobar

I believe underneath all the eyelashes, liquid eyeliner, and debris that is life, we all want the same thing in the end.  TO love and Be loved.

Maybe the weather lately has been telling me the season will soon be changing and when it's cold and wintery, you want that warmth of the person you love.

I came across this saying from C.S. Lewis:

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.  If you want to make sure of keepign it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal.  Wrap it carefully  round with hobgies and little luxuuries; avoid all entanglements.  Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.  But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change.  It will nto be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.  To love is to be vunerable." - C.S. Lewis

I can see where this was going and meant to be.  But for MYself....nah, I'll just be vunerable.  It's sometimes hard because letting your guard down, tearing down your walls or unlocking the gated fence is scary.  Is the person you are to let in, really who they are? 

"Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are"  - Nicolo Machiavelli

I've lived some and truly loved few (in regards to giving my heart to a man/men). 

I would joke that I have a little black heart but in some ways tis' true.  I mean, it's not so much in use.  wait now im sounding like a scorned bitter person who doesn't know love.  That's not true, I get tears in my eyes (yes and they do actually fall sometimes) when it comes to events with family and such.  But trusting someone with something so special...is like a tug-of-war at times.  It's sometimes a matter of, will this hurt as much as I know it will or do i forsee an expiration date that I'm not telling 'him' about.  ('him' currently refers to no one in particular at this time but more so on past ....i'll post on this later).

In any case, I'd rather be open and vunerable than to not enjoy the feelings of like or love.

Im open to the possibilities.  It's a risk. 

There's fear but then again:

"Fear is a sneaky thief, stealing away precious moments of your life."
- Elizabeth Lesser

I'll do my best to no longer be robbed of the precious moments of my life.


SVRG & American Red Cross Blood Drive

Dear friends,

The Silicon Valley Roller Girls (SVRG) will be hosting a blood drive on Saturday, August 28th from 9am to 3pm and we're asking for your help to save lives!

Can you donate blood? Forward to this to your address book! Spread the word through email, Facebook, twitter, or smoke signals…

There is a blood shortage going on and every bit helps to save lives, especially if you are a universal donor!

SVRG & American Red Cross Blood Drive
Saturday, August 28th, 9am - 3pm
San Jose Skate (once upon a time: Aloha)
397 Blossom Hill Road, San Jose, CA 95123

Reserve an appointment to give blood online at: http://www.redcrossblood.org/make-donation and enter the sponsor code "skate" and our event will show up.

Donors will enjoy free refreshments from Larabar and vitaminwater. You will also have a 1 in 35 chance to win a $100 Best Buy gift card!

I reserved my time.....now you do yours!


One of the endless infinity reasons on why I love being an Auntie

The weekend before last I was all over the place.  I was in Sac, Elk Grove, Mather, Stockton and Tracy.  Family events and such.

So I stayed the night in Tracy and ended up leaving my make-up bag at my dad's house.  All my glorious make-up.  I had to buy my chola liner (aka black liquid eyeliner), compact (from Whole Foods, non-talc thankyouverymuch) and Mascara to tide me over.  I told my sister to hold it for me until I seen her again.

This past weekend I was in Stockton and Tracy again and my sister gave me my bag and I was too into plucking my stray brows that I didn't go through everything.  Not that I was worried that anything would be missing.  Never that.  But you know I always make sure my holy trinity (bright red lipstick, eyeliner and mascara) were there.

So today while i sat in the backseat of my co-workers car, I decided I needed to pimp my eyes.  I opened my eyeshadow boxthingamajig and I almost cried.  I'm a sucker when it comes to my little dumplings (Oh....and when I say 'My lil Dumplings' I am referring to my nieces and nephew).

This is what I seen:

Isn't that the SWEETEST?

My 7yr old niece....she beat me to the punch on leaving a little unexpected secret note.


Coming soon: Interview with my dumplings

I was driving when a thought occured to me.

'My dumplings' are at the age where I should be capturing all their little antics and sayings.  I have 2 nieces and a nephew.  Alanah is 7, Gina is 5 (starting Kindergarten) and Albino jr (aka Baby Boy) is 4.

Jeez, I hope I got their ages right, I'm kinda bad with that.

So I thought, I should do a interview piece on them.  I just have to figure out what questions I should ask them and do a 'sit' down interview with them.  I can even video tape it but I'd probably have to have their parents consent first because of posting and what not.  Maybe I'll do it anyway, but just type out the interview.

I think it'll be cute especially right before two of them start school.

haha I'll have to bring a microphone to make it seem legit. =)


The purpose has been defeated

The whole purpose of this blog was for me to unleash all my innermost thoughts, daydreams, rants, raves, purrs and hisses.  All anonymously.

Well because I changed one of my blogs 'detox' to things relating to working out and hypothyroidism....well i've met many a co-workers who have the same symptoms and share my love for Gluten Free living with family that I can't be as exposed as I once was.  Because I keep giving them this site!

And that kind of sucks monkey balls.

No it sucks Silver Back Gorilla Balls.

I guess I just can't hide.....so I shall to talk to myself in the corner.

(haha don't ask why this particular picture is posted it was just hella funny to me)



Some of the sayings that I like from Rumi:
6/23/10 http://www.armory.com/~thrace/sufi/poems.html

"If thou wilt be observant and vigilant, thou wilt see at every moment the response to thy action. Be observant if thou wouldst have a pure heart, for something is born to thee in consequence of every action."

"Soul receives from soul that knowledge, therefore not by book nor from tongue.
If knowledge of mysteries come after emptiness of mind, that is illumination of heart."

"Our death is our wedding with eternity.
What is the secret? "God is One."
The sunlight splits when entering the windows of the house.
This multiplicity exists in the cluster of grapes;
It is not in the juice made from the grapes.
For he who is living in the Light of God,
The death of the carnal soul is a blessing.
Regarding him, say neither bad nor good,
For he is gone beyond the good and the bad.
Fix your eyes on God and do not talk about what is invisible,
So that he may place another look in your eyes.
It is in the vision of the physical eyes
That no invisible or secret thing exists.
But when the eye is turned toward the Light of God
What thing could remain hidden under such a Light?
Although all lights emanate from the Divine Light
Don't call all these lights "the Light of God";
It is the eternal light which is the Light of God,
The ephemeral light is an attribute of the body and the flesh.
...Oh God who gives the grace of vision!
The bird of vision is flying towards You with the wings of desire."

from One-Handed Basket Weaving:
Anything that comes and goes,
rises and sets, is not what I love."
else you'll be like a caravan fire left
to flare itself out alone beside the road. "

Because my brother says I'm strict:
"I said, 'Thou art harsh, like such a one.'
'Know,' he replied,
'That I am harsh for good, not from rancor and spite.
Whoever enters saying, "This I," I smite him on the brow;
For this is the shrine of Love, o fool! it is not a sheep cote!
Rub thine eyes, and behold the image of the heart.'"


In the Arms of the Beloved

Gone to the Unseen

At last you have departed and gone to the Unseen.
What marvelous route did you take from this world?

Beating your wings and feathers,
you broke free from this cage.
Rising up to the sky
you attained the world of the soul.
You were a prized falcon trapped by an Old Woman.
Then you heard the drummer's call
and flew beyond space and time.

As a lovesick nightingale, you flew among the owls.
Then came the scent of the rosegarden
and you flew off to meet the Rose.

The wine of this fleeting world
caused your head to ache.
Finally you joined the tavern of Eternity.
Like an arrow, you sped from the bow
and went straight for the bull's eye of bliss.

This phantom world gave you false signs
But you turned from the illusion
and journeyed to the land of truth.

You are now the Sun -
what need have you for a crown?
You have vanished from this world -
what need have you to tie your robe?

I've heard that you can barely see your soul.
But why look at all? -
yours is now the Soul of Souls!

O heart, what a wonderful bird you are.
Seeking divine heights,
Flapping your wings,
you smashed the pointed spears of your enemy.

The flowers flee from Autumn, but not you -
You are the fearless rose
that grows amidst the freezing wind.

Pouring down like the rain of heaven
you fell upon the rooftop of this world.
Then you ran in every direction
and escaped through the drain spout . . .

Now the words are over
and the pain they bring is gone.
Now you have gone to rest
in the arms of the Beloved.



'Tis said, the pipe and lute that charm our ears
Derive their melody from rolling spheres;
But Faith, o'erpassing speculation's bound,
Can see what sweetens every jangled sound.

We, who are parts of Adam, heard with him
The song of angels and of seraphim.
Out memory, though dull and sad, retains
Some echo still of those unearthly strains.

Oh, music is the meat of all who love,
Music uplifts the soul to realms above.
The ashes glow, the latent fires increase:
We listen and are fed with joy and peace.
The following Rumi sayings are from http://peacefulrivers.homestead.com/Rumilove.html
as of 6/23/10


The minute I heard my first love story,

I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.

Lovers don't finally meet somewhere,
they're in each other all along.

When I am with you, we stay up all night,
When you're not here, I can't get to sleep.
Praise God for these two insomnias!
And the difference between them.

I have phrases and whole pages memorized,

but nothing can be told of love.
You must wait until you and I
are living together.
In the conversation we'll have
then...be patient...then.

A Smile and Gentleness

There is a smile and a gentleness
inside. When I learned the name
and address of that, I went to where
you sell perfume. I begged you not
to trouble me so with longing. Come
out and play! Flirt more naturally.

Teach me how to kiss. On the ground
a spread blanket, flame that's caught
and burning well, cumin seeds browning,
I am inside all of this with my soul.

The Freshness

When it's cold and raining,
you are more beautiful.

And the snow brings me
even closer to your lips.
The inner secret, that which was never born,
you are that freshness, and I am with you now.

I can't explain the goings,
or the comings. You enter suddenly,
and I am nowhere again.

Inside the majesty.

When you find yourself with the Beloved, embracing for
one breath,

In that moment you will find your true destiny.
Alas, don't spoil this precious moment
Moments like this are very, very rare.

Some Kiss We Want

There is some kiss we want with
our whole lives, the touch of
spirit on the body. Seawater
begs the pearl to break its shell.

And the lily, how passionately
it needs some wild darling! At
night, I open the window and ask
the moon to come and press its
face against mine. Breathe into
me. Close the language- door and
open the love window. The moon
won't use the door, only the window
Moving Water

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.

When actions come from another section, the feeling disappears.
Don't let others lead you. They may be blind or, worse, vultures.

Reach for the rope of God. And what is that? Putting aside self-will.

Because of willfulness people sit in jail, the trapped bird's wings are tied,
fish sizzle in the skillet.

The anger of police is willfulness. You've seen a magistrate inflict visible punishment.
Now see the invisible. If you could leave your selfishness, you would see how you've
been torturing your soul. We are born and live inside black water in a well.

How could we know what an open field of sunlight is? Don't insist on going where
you think you want to go. Ask the way to the spring. Your living pieces will form
a harmony. There is a moving palace that floats in the air
with balconies and clear water flowing through, infinity everywhere, yet contained
under a single tent.

I love this one:

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.

Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.

Don't go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.

Don't go back to sleep.

Late, by myself, in the boat of myself,
no light and no land anywhere,
cloudcover thick. I try to stay
just above the surface,
yet I'm already under
and living with the ocean.

A certain person came to the Friend's door and knocked.

"Who's there?"

"It's me."

The Friend answered, "Go away. There's no place for raw meat at this table."

The individual went wandering for a year.

Nothing but the fire of separation can change hypocrisy and ego. The person returned completely cooked, walked up and down in front of the Friend's house, gently knocked.

"Who is it?"


"Please come in, my self, there's no place in this house for two.
The doubled end of the thread is not what goes through the eye of the needle.
It's a single-pointed, fined-down, thread end, not a big ego-beast with baggage."

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Who Says Words With My Mouth

All day I think about it, then at night I say it.

Where did I come from, and what am I supposed to be doing?
I have no idea.

My soul is from elsewhere, I'm sure of that,
and I intend to end up there.

This drunkenness began in some other tavern.
When I get back around to that place,
I'll be completely sober. Meanwhile,
I'm like a bird from another continent, sitting in this aviary.

The day is coming when I fly off,
but who is it now in my ear who hears my voice?

Who says words with my mouth?

Who looks out with my eyes? What is the soul?

I cannot stop asking.

If I could taste one sip of an answer,
I could break out of this prison for drunks.
I didn't come here of my own accord, and I can't leave that way.

Whoever brought me here will have to take me home.

This poetry, I never know what I'm going to say.
I don't plan it.
When I'm outside the saying of it,
I get very quiet and rarely speak at all.

There is a life-force within your soul, seek that life.
There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that mine.
O traveler, if you are in search of That
Don't look outside, look inside yourself and seek That.

There is a candle in the heart of man, waiting to be kindled.

In separation from the Friend, there is a cut waiting to be stitched.

O, you who are ignorant of endurance and the burning
fire of love----
Love comes of its own free will, it can't be learned
in any school.


A New Slope

A new slope

Is it necessary to go the normal route?

I fell down a slope that I never knew existed. I always was cautious trying to step into footsteps that were laid down before me on the beaten path.

The same winding path where I could close my eyes and walk and never stumble.

I never knew. I didn't see it coming.

I knew I was tired of being the tour guide, and now I'm the tourist.

New smells, new light.

A new me.

I always followed that map on the same ol' path.

But I fell down a slope that I never knew existed for me.

A slope that's custom fit. Mud, rocks, brush, trees and all. Branches sticking out like little obstacles we call life.

I didn't even try to reach out or try to slow myself down. I smiled the whole way through. Not knowing when or where it will end.

I'm enjoying it, every single moment of it.

Even if it leads to another place…I'm still going to smile.

I never knew.

I never knew it existed.

I didn't see it coming.

And I smile the whole way through.

[ written by: Lorenza E. Campos on 5/2/07 ]

Everyone sees what you seem but few know who you are

"Everyone sees what you seem but few know who you are."

That's a quote from someone back in the 1880's I think. I lost who it was by and I don't know where I found it. This speaks true. Just a thought. I've recently had to deal with issues that there was hearsay and third persons words. It had a deep impact on my family. I won't go into detail….only those who truly know who I am know what I'm talking about. There are times I like to share things with everyone in the world. But there are subjects that I like to keep private. I think that if I exploit myself and issues then I have no way of trying to shield myself or preserve who I truly am. I am open to people but I am private at the same time. I like to keep my private issues to those that are truly close to me. It eventually worked out and things are so called "normal" again. But it affected many people and I just want to say to those that were involved, thank you for listening to All Sides of what happened before passing judgment. It reminded me of a story from my 5th grade teacher. She told us:

A teacher had a glass ball placed on her desk. When a few students were arguing….she got the 2 kids, a boy and a girl who were arguing about who was right and who was wrong. She placed them at opposite sides of the desk and asked them to look at the ball and tell the class what they saw. The girl said she saw "White". The boy said he saw "Black". They again argued that each was right in what they saw. She told them now switch places and tell what they saw.

The girl now saw "Black" and the boy now saw "White". They couldn't believe it. She told them: Not always what you think you see is right, you have to see the other person's point of view before shouting what you see and declare that you are right.

Funny, I can't remember much of what I was doing last July, but I remember that story from 5th grade. Now if this was the case for say ballot issues or other things that you have facts and proof you compare. You see. Without everything…..you really can't say fairly what it is and isn't. Just like at work I can't evaluate a case until all the verifications are received. It's a parallel thing, hope you all understand my Adult ADD story.

You can take away from this blog as you want, but I hope that you truly take the depth of this quote: "Everyone sees what you seem, but few know who you are." I love this quote so much I may get this on me…..forever….

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!


We still have alot of work to do

In some ways it doesn't matter who was here first (Native aka Indigenous people and Mexican's were). But we all are here now.  Actually homo sapiens were here first.  Wonder what race they claim or their religion. hmmm. I think I may have issues because I do believe homo sapiens were here but I also believe that God created man and woman.  Sooo....they were the protype maybe?

In no way am I knocking Christopher Columbus' findings of existence of life here in the America's, I mean to the Indigenous, they must have been advanced and shared knowledge and survival skills. 

Greediness and unfair racist made this initial friendship become part of a hard un-imaginalbe history for Native and later on Mexican and African people. In the end, I don't know what my life would be like if we didn't co-exist, learn and grow. Would America be a 3rd or 4th world country? Who knows but I'm grateful that I live in a place where freedom exists. We have come a long way America, but we still have a lot of work to do. A lot of work

Interesting Facts:
The three ships set out from Palos, Spain on Aug 3rd, 1492. Arriving in the "New World" on October 12, 1492. (That is one long a$$ cruise!)

From: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher_Columbus 5/6/2010.
"Although not the first to reach the Americas from Europe—he was preceded by at least one other group, the Norse, led by Leif Ericson, who built a temporary settlement 500 years earlier at L'Anse aux Meadows[2]— Columbus initiated widespread contact between Europeans and indigenous Americans."

Unbelieveable - "Native Americans who were not already U.S. citizens were granted citizenship in 1924 by the Congress of the United States." (From: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Native_Americans_in_the_United_States 5/6/2010).  It's sad to just find out that the Indigenous people who were here prior to any of the shipmaking's from the Old World were classified as Citizen's. Shamefull in my opinion.
First to land in Michigan: http://www.gwbhs.com/Articles/Native%20American%20FAQ.pdf as of 5/6/2010
Scientific evidence shows that the Americas have been inhabited for at least 20,000 years whether or not they cross the bering strait....
hmm...contradictory theories? Indigenous have been here for over 20,000 years?!: http://www.native-languages.org/bering.htm as of 5/6/2010
From the University of Berkely at California: http://www.berkeley.edu/news/berkeleyan/1998/0311/linguistics.html as of 5/6/2010
Texas was part of Mexico back in the early 1800's: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Texas_Revolution as of 5/6/2010. 
The Old Three Hundred: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Three_Hundred as of 5/6/2010
Map from 1835-1846: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Mexico_1835-1846_administrative_map-es.svg as of 5/6/2010
Territorial Expansion: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Territorial_expansion_of_the_United_States as of 5/6/10
CALIFORNIA IS STILL the most beautiful!: "In 1842, the American minister in Mexico Waddy Thompson, Jr. suggested Mexico might be willing to cede California to settle debts, saying "As to Texas I regard it as of very little value compared with California, the richest, the most beautiful and the healthiest country in the world... with the acquisition of Upper California we should have the same ascendency on the Pacific... France and England both have had their eyes upon it." from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mexican–American_War as of 5/6/2010
Internalized Oppression and Latinos:  http://academic.udayton.edu/race/01race/latinos01.htm  as of 5/6/10
Mexican Migrant Workers and Lynch Culture: Culturehttp://amath.colorado.edu/carnegie/lit/lynch/migrant.htm as of 5/6/10
Although i'm about to suggest some Indigenous (Native American) books for you to read, Im open to you suggesting good books for me to read.  My mind is open and I'm ready to learn!
CONQUEST : Montezuma, Cortés, and the Fall of Old Mexico by Hugh Thomas (my brother read and loved this book.  I have yet to read it)
Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee by Dee Brown (OHMG I have read this book over and over. Heartbreaking but history)
Crazy Horse: The Strange Man of the Oglalas by Mari Sandoz (I have read this book over and over and it's in my collection)
Also check out: www.sciencedaily.com Interesting items.  Although I love science and am fascinated by it, my religious beliefs come first.

You've been learning Spanish since before the 1940's!

I came across this in the County Archives.  http://www.oac.cdlib.org/ark:/13030/tf6290050d/?brand=oac4

If you click on the link for Verso of Page 8.  Then click on Recto of Page 7.  I like the drawing!

So Stanley Hayami Diary, 1941-1944 shows he was learning Spanish.

hmm...for everyone who is doing this bashing on Mexican's your lovely school system has had this language in place since you were born! Did you get bad grades back then? Is that why you are so angry.

I don't mind that there is a case for if you are here illegally, then you should take legal procedures to become legally here.  However I cannot stand the fact that it's always targeted to a specific race.  It's on the border line between a hate crime (with the slurs, the un-americanism of using this heated topic as a platform to hide your bigotry...well most not all persons) and racism (targeting a single race).

Do you know that other races use all sides of the American border to come here.  East Coast, West Coast, Mexico border and yes the Canadian border.

One year I joined in the downtown march.  I met a guy, real nice white guy and I asked so what brings you to march with us? He said because he was here illegally.  His Canada Visa expired and was supposed to go back but he didn't want to and he felt that he should support changes for people here illegally to become legal.  I asked him if he were afraid he'd get caught.  He said "No, they look at me and think im a citizen, they don't question me.  But you guys, you guys get checked all the time."

There are persons here who crossed from China, Africa, Middle East, Canada, all over the world. 

I go to visit my family in Missouri, and before all this got to be a $hit storm, I would get the side eye from folk over there.  You can feel the stares and the racial thoughts coming from some minds.  It's sad.  Sadder that even in my own melting pot of California that I start to notice.

I'm here legally.  I'm a Citizen.  I'm an American.  So are my parents and their parents. Generations. I'm proud of my heritage and my descendants.  Just because your not proud of your roots (European) and you don't show your love for your descendants...don't knock the one's that do. I support our troops.  Hell my best friend served in the Marines, as well as my uncle's (Air Force, Army) and my grandfather (Army) I still have the wings he received when he was a para-trooper.

Before you further stick your foot in your mouth, check the sole to see the foundation where you have been walking.  Because many races, Native, Middle East, Mexican, Italian, Japanese, African and many more have walked these plains before and next to your ancestors.  If your ancesters were even here first....did you check which boat (Nina, Pinta or Santa Maria) they were on?

I'm not trying to debate who was here first.  Just know the roots.  We are all here now and have to deal with the present mainly but keep those things in mind.

I just want fairness.  Hope that you do too.



I have a bad back and horrible knees but I still try to skate when I can.

I dream in color and in Spanish.  I have no clue what the hell I am saying but I am carrying on a conversation like a interpretor!

Inside I'm a speeder and I'm trying to keep that under control.

I'm not as free as I'd like to be and I'm working on that.  I hold back on a lot.

I day dream waaaaay to much!

Whenever I listen to 10:15 by the cure...It brings me back to my old high school days....ahhhh

I can go from listening Rock music to Flamenco without a flinch.  From Oldies to Punk.  From Classical to Reggae.

I just found out I have sent over 1,015 text messages and 874 picture messages in 1 month alone. This does not include the any of the mail I receive through my 4 email accounts that I have.

I learned how to type on a old school typewriter blindfolded.

Whenever I chuck....my lungs feel like they are going to expand and explode.  I could never be bulimic or anorexic.

Hell has frozen over

"Hell has frozen over"

I want to type: HAHAHA but that's mean.  So i'll chuckle on the inside.  I hope this animated Simon works.  Becuase that's the look I have whenever I think of a certain broad.


Brought to you by Gandhi

"Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behaviors. Keep your behaviors positive because your behaviors become your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny. "
- Gandhi


It has been a great while since I've posted.

1.  My internet is funkier than Rick James crotch pants.
2. I've been busier than a hooker trying to make that rent money.

Hmm....not a too fantastic way to start off my thoughts post right? Fk it who cares. =)

This moment's thought:

My daily practice now is to continually clean the chambers of my heart - to give and receive love, to stay present to myself and to others, to no longer flee, or worry, or procrastinate.  I may act imperfectly, but I try to act bodly from my core values.