I want to be your silver lining

I ate a Dove Chocolate today.  Inside the words said:

"Be the silver lining in another's cloud"

It's cute and it's true.

I want to be the silver lining in your cloud. 
Will you be the one in mine?


Song Dedication to my lil' dumplings

I dedicate this song to my lil' dumplings (Bananah Cakes, My Sugar Kissing Pinky Pie and Sweet Baby Boy)...well minus the 'bride' part....but we can still dosey-do. =)

Lyrics are after the video.

Juno: "All I Want is You" from Jim Liu on Vimeo.

All I Want Is You
by Barry Louis Polisar

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, when the cold winds blow.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.


**UPDATE** MISSING DOG (Siberian Husky in San Jose, CA) =(

We got a call Wednesday evening that Junior was found.  Unfortunately he was hit by a car (that took off...a$$hole) and a police officer responded to the scene, seen him alive still and took him straight to the vet (thank you mister officer....it was very kind of him and he didn't have to do that, we're trying to track him down to thank him).

When I got there (I was crying on my way, out of happiness and worry) and he looked at me and just layed his head down.  Not normal.  This lil' spunky pup, always, ALWAYS jumps up to greet me.  =(  Poor baby.

He had 3 fractured ribs, collapsed lung, internal bleeding, part of his right hind paw, is missing one of the tip of his nails...ugh i can't even type the rest....but $817.00+ later....he's home now because unfortunately we couldn't afford the 24hr care at the vet ($1,000.00+) so we had to take our chances and bring him home.  He's taking his meds now and wearing a doggie diaper =( but he is in better spirits.  We are hoping the puncture to his lung heals correctly and that he makes it the next few weeks.  Which are crucial. 

What pisses me the fk off was, the vet policy.  Pay now or put him to sleep.  We didn't get paid until the next day and i understand they may have their reasons for not trying to get stiffed.  Which we wouldn't have done, but they took 4+hrs before giving him any treatment (other than I think an IV).  Even more upsetting was they (well the dr) seemed to not be so sympathetic.  She was so non-chalant about it.  This is our family dog.  This is my lil' brother (15) first dog, how you just say, 'well, if you don't have the money, you should put him to sleep'.  If she had some type of softness to her words or a concerend look then i understand, but we were crying there and she's on the phone with her back to us talking about some other dog like she was a fken bill collector. 

Anyways, were glad he's okay but geez.....it sucked.

Well, we have a major case of the SADS today.  My brother's dog is missing. 

He's a beautiful 6-7mth old Male Siberian Husky/German Shepard Mix with Green Eyes.  He and my brother are so attached he cries for him when he's at school and jumps up to greet him everyday. He also was a very cool big cousin to my little dog 'Frida' and my sister's dog 'Hazel'. 

We tell our mom our puppies our her 'grand-doggies'....so my lil' dog-nephew is missing. =(

He is absolutely GORGEOUS, and because of that we highly doubt we will see him. But if you are reading this and live in San Jose, please keep a look out for him and contact me asap at: shashas24@yahoo.com

There is a reward.  I've made a flyer also, we've posted his pic on craiglist http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sby/pet/1916698299.html and posted a listing to our local Animal Shelter.

This is my bro's first dog and I miss him already. I pray to God that he's returned safely.

Here is the info from the flyer:


New Word: Workache

Exactly.  This is what my head feels like.  Just minus the crazy eyes. Okay maybe the crazy eyes just a bit. =)

I had 2 glasses of wine last night.  Probably shouldn't have because I barely ate yesterday and this morning.....aye yi yi!

I was thinking of getting a coffee this morning but I don't think that would be wise today.  And my reports will not refresh. GRRRR this puts a damper on having work assigned.


I bit the bullet

So earlier I talked about this overlooming fear going on mentally, in and out of my subconciousness.  So I decided to bite the bullet.

I took action and I do feel so much better but it's going to be quite a long process but at least it will all be taken care of. 

It feels like a tight corset has just been snapped off! 'Relief!"


Lately I have been having this overwhelming feeling of fear or anxiety.  My dreams lately have also been a target.  They have been dark and kind of scary.  Last night, I dreamt my car was stolen, and I was crying and scared and didn't know what to do.  I don't think it was so much as the car was stolen, but something else is going on and it's being re-interpreted into other material things in my dreams.

I know what it is but I just don't know how to deal with it.  Ugh, I just posted that I wasn't going to let fear rob me of precious moments but this is a precious moment really.  This is a something that has been going on for sometime and I choose to ignore it thinking (lamely I might add) it will just dissapear.  But it's now looming over me.  Much like this picture:

It's truly like the storm on top of the tree and I know if I don't hit it head on, it will only grow bigger until it's truly lost all control.

I pay close attention to my dreams.  I think at times it's my soul speaking to me but sometimes I don't listen.  I use to have these crazy water dreams.  I'd be on the beach and I'd look out to the sea and i would sense the changes in the water.  In the far distance I would see it something like this:

I would always be alone on the beach.  The waves would be gathering up in speed, height and force until the wave(s) were so huge
when I would look up I would see it towering hundreds of feet above me.  Imagine if you will, I am at the bottom of the picture barely a dot like the surfers below in the picture.
Imagine that!  I don't remember what exactly was going on in that point of my life, but it was something and the water always represented it.

Somehow though, I was never taken away in it, I wasn't swept away. 

Another water dream, I seen it and there were these stairs that were so high, I thought the water wouldn't come near.  I ran up them until I reached the top and the water (under normal conditions) would never reach, but the wave came.  It reached me and as I had my back against the wall, I pressed my body against it, arms on each side of me, palms down against the cool rock and I turned my face to the left and my face contorted as I prepared for it's wrath.  As I felt it coming towards me, I only felt the cool mist spray of the sea water.  The water hit the wall but for some reason it didn't touch me, it was all around me like a invisible box was protecting me.  After I felt the wave go away, I looked down and water was on the floor and I could see it all wet.  I noticed a screen/glass door and people were inside having some party of some sort, so I ran inside and locked the door so the water wouldn't come in.

The other water dreams were super crazy too.  One involved 3 sharks with a poster (weird I know) but what was weirder was the fact that when I was swimming through it, I felt it was 3 of them and I tried my best to swim hard and fast so they wouldn't bite my feet.  But that's another dream.

 I hope my dreams from now on are peaceful and happy.  There is enough chaos in life when I'm awake. =)

So, happy dreams to you!

Quotes by Katherine Fugate

I came across these from Katherine Fugate's blog today.

"the remedy for dirt is soap & water.
the remedy for dying is living."
- Katherine Fugate

"Dreams are powerful things. If we dream when we are awake, we can become astronauts and walk on the moon. If we dream when we’re asleep, we can walk on stars. There is a theory that all the people in a dream are really you: the hero you, the villain you, the healing you, the broken you. And all the yous have a common goal: to help you love yourself a little bit better." – Katherine Fugate
"Words have such power. They can lift us up or they can tear us down. They can heal or they can destroy. But at the end of our lives, it’s the words left unsaid that haunt us. When you lose someone so suddenly, all you think about is all the words you didn’t say." – Katherine Fugate

Dreaming of you

Ive thought on a few occasions to write a 'love letter' to you. But the words just didn't seem to capture what I wanted you to feel. It's sort of an in-between. I know how I feel and what I want. My 'in-between' depends on: what do you feel....what do you really want? I have wrote you something, question is have you read it?

I have always said to myself: "Self, if you are ever in a relationship where you no longer have love for someone, then just be honest, tell them and go from there. Either it can be worked through (which I prefer if it's just simple things) or it can't and just take from this the lessons that you can later apply in life or talk about in a postive way of lessons learned to share." I also tell the other person in the relationship if they feel that things are not working out, talk to me. Tell me. If love has been gone and can't simply cannot be worked on (quitter) then go. Don't go on about life and lie to me and end up on cheating because 'you don't want to hurt my feelings'. Psh. That's the worst. Okay back to what I was intending to say. Dreaming.

I dreamt of you. You've been entering my dreams. To enter my dreams means a lot. That's when you've broken past my wall, fence and you my friend have gone deep.

I can pretend to hold back the feelings in my heart but the mind. The mind is the great and powerful oz...oops....i mean the mind is great and powerful. Yourself is the only one that can control it or let it be taken control of. You sneaky tresspasser!

You found one of the keys. hmmm...well I can't do anything about that now.

But you have entered my dreams. Reminds me of a poem I have.  'Walk with me through the halls of immaculate dreams'.

What did I dream of.  The other night, the setting was the apartment complex where I grew up in and my room was the middle room.  We were laying in my bed and hugging.....that's all I can say for now. 

So I hope that I too am in your dreams.  Even if just to say hello.

"One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. Passers-by see only a wisp of smoke from the chimney and continue on their way.” -Van Gogh

To Love or To Be Vunerable?

"I feel like every time I love someone I give them a part of myself and when things end, I hobble around for a while, missing limbs or an eye, a victim in the the long war we call love."
 -Anais Escobar

I believe underneath all the eyelashes, liquid eyeliner, and debris that is life, we all want the same thing in the end.  TO love and Be loved.

Maybe the weather lately has been telling me the season will soon be changing and when it's cold and wintery, you want that warmth of the person you love.

I came across this saying from C.S. Lewis:

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.  If you want to make sure of keepign it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal.  Wrap it carefully  round with hobgies and little luxuuries; avoid all entanglements.  Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.  But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change.  It will nto be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.  To love is to be vunerable." - C.S. Lewis

I can see where this was going and meant to be.  But for MYself....nah, I'll just be vunerable.  It's sometimes hard because letting your guard down, tearing down your walls or unlocking the gated fence is scary.  Is the person you are to let in, really who they are? 

"Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are"  - Nicolo Machiavelli

I've lived some and truly loved few (in regards to giving my heart to a man/men). 

I would joke that I have a little black heart but in some ways tis' true.  I mean, it's not so much in use.  wait now im sounding like a scorned bitter person who doesn't know love.  That's not true, I get tears in my eyes (yes and they do actually fall sometimes) when it comes to events with family and such.  But trusting someone with something so special...is like a tug-of-war at times.  It's sometimes a matter of, will this hurt as much as I know it will or do i forsee an expiration date that I'm not telling 'him' about.  ('him' currently refers to no one in particular at this time but more so on past ....i'll post on this later).

In any case, I'd rather be open and vunerable than to not enjoy the feelings of like or love.

Im open to the possibilities.  It's a risk. 

There's fear but then again:

"Fear is a sneaky thief, stealing away precious moments of your life."
- Elizabeth Lesser

I'll do my best to no longer be robbed of the precious moments of my life.


SVRG & American Red Cross Blood Drive

Dear friends,

The Silicon Valley Roller Girls (SVRG) will be hosting a blood drive on Saturday, August 28th from 9am to 3pm and we're asking for your help to save lives!

Can you donate blood? Forward to this to your address book! Spread the word through email, Facebook, twitter, or smoke signals…

There is a blood shortage going on and every bit helps to save lives, especially if you are a universal donor!

SVRG & American Red Cross Blood Drive
Saturday, August 28th, 9am - 3pm
San Jose Skate (once upon a time: Aloha)
397 Blossom Hill Road, San Jose, CA 95123

Reserve an appointment to give blood online at: http://www.redcrossblood.org/make-donation and enter the sponsor code "skate" and our event will show up.

Donors will enjoy free refreshments from Larabar and vitaminwater. You will also have a 1 in 35 chance to win a $100 Best Buy gift card!

I reserved my time.....now you do yours!


One of the endless infinity reasons on why I love being an Auntie

The weekend before last I was all over the place.  I was in Sac, Elk Grove, Mather, Stockton and Tracy.  Family events and such.

So I stayed the night in Tracy and ended up leaving my make-up bag at my dad's house.  All my glorious make-up.  I had to buy my chola liner (aka black liquid eyeliner), compact (from Whole Foods, non-talc thankyouverymuch) and Mascara to tide me over.  I told my sister to hold it for me until I seen her again.

This past weekend I was in Stockton and Tracy again and my sister gave me my bag and I was too into plucking my stray brows that I didn't go through everything.  Not that I was worried that anything would be missing.  Never that.  But you know I always make sure my holy trinity (bright red lipstick, eyeliner and mascara) were there.

So today while i sat in the backseat of my co-workers car, I decided I needed to pimp my eyes.  I opened my eyeshadow boxthingamajig and I almost cried.  I'm a sucker when it comes to my little dumplings (Oh....and when I say 'My lil Dumplings' I am referring to my nieces and nephew).

This is what I seen:

Isn't that the SWEETEST?

My 7yr old niece....she beat me to the punch on leaving a little unexpected secret note.


Coming soon: Interview with my dumplings

I was driving when a thought occured to me.

'My dumplings' are at the age where I should be capturing all their little antics and sayings.  I have 2 nieces and a nephew.  Alanah is 7, Gina is 5 (starting Kindergarten) and Albino jr (aka Baby Boy) is 4.

Jeez, I hope I got their ages right, I'm kinda bad with that.

So I thought, I should do a interview piece on them.  I just have to figure out what questions I should ask them and do a 'sit' down interview with them.  I can even video tape it but I'd probably have to have their parents consent first because of posting and what not.  Maybe I'll do it anyway, but just type out the interview.

I think it'll be cute especially right before two of them start school.

haha I'll have to bring a microphone to make it seem legit. =)


The purpose has been defeated

The whole purpose of this blog was for me to unleash all my innermost thoughts, daydreams, rants, raves, purrs and hisses.  All anonymously.

Well because I changed one of my blogs 'detox' to things relating to working out and hypothyroidism....well i've met many a co-workers who have the same symptoms and share my love for Gluten Free living with family that I can't be as exposed as I once was.  Because I keep giving them this site!

And that kind of sucks monkey balls.

No it sucks Silver Back Gorilla Balls.

I guess I just can't hide.....so I shall to talk to myself in the corner.

(haha don't ask why this particular picture is posted it was just hella funny to me)