Dreams...again....

Lately I have been having this overwhelming feeling of fear or anxiety.  My dreams lately have also been a target.  They have been dark and kind of scary.  Last night, I dreamt my car was stolen, and I was crying and scared and didn't know what to do.  I don't think it was so much as the car was stolen, but something else is going on and it's being re-interpreted into other material things in my dreams.

I know what it is but I just don't know how to deal with it.  Ugh, I just posted that I wasn't going to let fear rob me of precious moments but this is a precious moment really.  This is a something that has been going on for sometime and I choose to ignore it thinking (lamely I might add) it will just dissapear.  But it's now looming over me.  Much like this picture:

It's truly like the storm on top of the tree and I know if I don't hit it head on, it will only grow bigger until it's truly lost all control.

I pay close attention to my dreams.  I think at times it's my soul speaking to me but sometimes I don't listen.  I use to have these crazy water dreams.  I'd be on the beach and I'd look out to the sea and i would sense the changes in the water.  In the far distance I would see it something like this:

I would always be alone on the beach.  The waves would be gathering up in speed, height and force until the wave(s) were so huge

when I would look up I would see it towering hundreds of feet above me.  Imagine if you will, I am at the bottom of the picture barely a dot like the surfers below in the picture.

Imagine that!  I don't remember what exactly was going on in that point of my life, but it was something and the water always represented it.

Somehow though, I was never taken away in it, I wasn't swept away. 

Another water dream, I seen it and there were these stairs that were so high, I thought the water wouldn't come near.  I ran up them until I reached the top and the water (under normal conditions) would never reach, but the wave came.  It reached me and as I had my back against the wall, I pressed my body against it, arms on each side of me, palms down against the cool rock and I turned my face to the left and my face contorted as I prepared for it's wrath.  As I felt it coming towards me, I only felt the cool mist spray of the sea water.  The water hit the wall but for some reason it didn't touch me, it was all around me like a invisible box was protecting me.  After I felt the wave go away, I looked down and water was on the floor and I could see it all wet.  I noticed a screen/glass door and people were inside having some party of some sort, so I ran inside and locked the door so the water wouldn't come in.

The other water dreams were super crazy too.  One involved 3 sharks with a poster (weird I know) but what was weirder was the fact that when I was swimming through it, I felt it was 3 of them and I tried my best to swim hard and fast so they wouldn't bite my feet.  But that's another dream.

 I hope my dreams from now on are peaceful and happy.  There is enough chaos in life when I'm awake. =)

So, happy dreams to you!

Dreaming of you

Ive thought on a few occasions to write a 'love letter' to you. But the words just didn't seem to capture what I wanted you to feel. It's sort of an in-between. I know how I feel and what I want. My 'in-between' depends on: what do you feel....what do you really want? I have wrote you something, question is have you read it?

I have always said to myself: "Self, if you are ever in a relationship where you no longer have love for someone, then just be honest, tell them and go from there. Either it can be worked through (which I prefer if it's just simple things) or it can't and just take from this the lessons that you can later apply in life or talk about in a postive way of lessons learned to share." I also tell the other person in the relationship if they feel that things are not working out, talk to me. Tell me. If love has been gone and can't simply cannot be worked on (quitter) then go. Don't go on about life and lie to me and end up on cheating because 'you don't want to hurt my feelings'. Psh. That's the worst. Okay back to what I was intending to say. Dreaming.

I dreamt of you. You've been entering my dreams. To enter my dreams means a lot. That's when you've broken past my wall, fence and you my friend have gone deep.

I can pretend to hold back the feelings in my heart but the mind. The mind is the great and powerful oz...oops....i mean the mind is great and powerful. Yourself is the only one that can control it or let it be taken control of. You sneaky tresspasser!

You found one of the keys. hmmm...well I can't do anything about that now.

But you have entered my dreams. Reminds me of a poem I have.  'Walk with me through the halls of immaculate dreams'.

What did I dream of.  The other night, the setting was the apartment complex where I grew up in and my room was the middle room.  We were laying in my bed and hugging.....that's all I can say for now. 

So I hope that I too am in your dreams.  Even if just to say hello.

"One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. Passers-by see only a wisp of smoke from the chimney and continue on their way.” -Van Gogh