Just some words....my words...
Instead of long drives along the coastline, I take long drives to go through metal detectors and be scrutinized by correctional officers.
Instead of pictures from beaches, family portraits or from celebrations, I have Polaroid's taken by other prisoners and C.O's to "go over" the picture making sure it's appropriate for us to have.
Instead of dining out to breakfast, lunch or dinner on the weekends, we wait in line for the vending machines hoping to get some fresh fruit or our usual tacos that we warm up in the microwave.
Instead of partying the night before and sleeping in the next day, I go to bed early tell my friends who are going out to be careful and have a drink for me….because I have to get up and find my "prison appropriate" clothes and make sure no metal bra's are underneath.
Instead of asking my brother or cousin if I can pick them up something along the way at the store, I instead ask if they'd like pictures printed or money orders made.
Instead of laughing out loud and horseplaying or cussing in a playing way, we have to say: "Shhh, be quiet before they terminate our visit".
Instead of being relaxed and enjoying our limited time, were rigid because any suspicious movement can add time to sentences or being watched by the P.I.A. or visits terminated early for "disruption".
Having to remember which colors to which prison are appropriate makes it even more confusing for myself.
Having to wait for the process to pass security seems longer than the few hours were allowed to spend with our family members.
Having to wait for gates to open and close with someone above watching us from the prison tower with a radio and a gun doesn't frighten me anymore.
Once I felt like a phish myself in this prison process. Now I'm an "old-timer". I know what to wear. How to handle my mannerisms adjusting to the "system". I know that your allowed 1 key, $30.00 in cash, dollars and silver coins only. No metal underwire for women, logo's a must in one prison and none allowed in the other.
Duckets to take photos's are $2.00 and watching, waiting for the door where the person you love in prison blues comes through with the C.O.
I never sacrifice anything. They've lost the most.
I don't care if I don't go out the night before, I don't care if I have to wake up early, I don't care if I take a long drive through the heat instead of catching ocean breeze.
It's the one's I love that keeps me going.
It's the one's I love that I care to see the most.
It's love for my family that has me see things differently.
You never sacrifice for a loved one because when you have love for your family, sacrifice is a word that isn't in your vocabulary.
1 comment:
I feel ya Lo. I have to go through the same thing everytime I go see my dad. Since I was 13 years old, that's the only time I've had with him..our time is limited and tightly guarded. He wasn't around from when I was practically born to the time I got that call from him saying "Hi mija! Do you know who this is?" How could I forget that familiar voice?? And since then, I haven't given up hope that one day I will be able to have my daddy home.
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